Hello! I hope everyone is having a nice weekend thus far. Earlier this week I created a new book trailer for ARMOUR, having promised myself that it will be ready for the public this summer. I have found a printer I can use, but more importantly, my doctor changed my antidepressant, which I had been taking for over two years. It was blocking me creatively AND failing to keep me level in my emotions. I’d been blaming my scant and scattered progress on the difficult research (high profile cases of organised paedophilia and child sex trafficking, along with serial child killers), but if you’re of sound mind, you realise that while, yes, the world is filled with monsters, the world also contains billions of decent people that would never hurt children. I’d felt especially hopeless and unstable in January (admittedly never a favourite month due to it following the cheer of the holidays). I’ve been making excellent progress on the book for the past several weeks and have felt so much better.
With my mind restored (knock on wood), I also feel capable of writing the entire gamut of emotions. When I made the latest book trailer for ARMOUR the other day, I focused on the missing child plot of this novel, but it’s also my very first attempt to write an asexual romance. The 2 MCs are best friends since childhood, but as they grow up, no matter what their orientation ultimately turns out to be, we must remember that even though asexuals generally do not experience sexual attraction to any gender, they may occasionally experience sexual desire in the company of any gender. Asexuals are capable of having physical sex after all. Asexuals I know have had babies (yes, biologically), gotten married, everything other humans do. As Derek and Lloyd grow up, they experience confusing romantic feelings, and they’re growing up in the 1960s and 1970s, on the brink of Stonewall, so they, in every sense, are in untread waters. Their hateful fathers call them hateful slurs, and yet they have never had oral copulation, genital contact, or any other sexual contact. They simply love one another in a fashion that confuses both of them, and causes onlookers to speculate and gossip.
My snippet this week (Oh hardee har! You people know me by now!) describes the aftermath of their very first kiss. It happens suddenly, after they’ve both had too much sake while dressing up with Lloyd’s transgendered cousin, Astrid. From Lloyd’s POV:
When Astrid asked if we were gay, we said, in unison, “We don’t know.” And Derek added, “But we are drunk!” And the three of us laughed uproariously.
After Astrid fell into a blissful sleep. Derek began to cry. “What’s wrong?” I asked, as terrified as he was about what had happened a little bit earlier.
“I don’t know!” he sobbed. “I don’t know.”
“You’re drunk,” I shrugged, and sat close to him.
“Don’t make light of this,” he said in earnest.
“Are you angry with me?” I asked softly.
“No!” he cried. “No! Absolutely not.”
“It was the happiest moment of my life,” he whispered, his eyes sparkling with more than just tears.
“Mine too,” I said, my voice trembling.
“But…I’m afraid…I don’t want to lose you as a friend.”
“Oh, Derek, you could never lose me.” I put my arms around him. “You’re my best friend. In the whole world. You’re the most important person in my whole life.”
“I am?” he asked, his face against my neck.
“Of course you are.” I hugged him harder. “Nothing will change us.”
“I’ve always loved you,” Derek whispered, his honesty breaking my heart. “Even when I was little, when you and Grandma took care of me, when nobody else cared. When you got on the bus to protect me from that perverted bitch…”
“You scared the shit out of that old wagon,” I interrupted him.
We laughed quietly, then he continued. “You were so tall, dark, exotic, beautiful. I always wanted to be your friend, even before you were. For donkey’s years, I’ve had a crush on you. But just being your friend was beyond my fondest dream. When you kissed me…” Derek closed his eyes and his lips quivered invitingly.
“I want to kiss you again,” I said, before the thought even formed in my brain.
“Do it,” he begged with a little smile. Our lips brushed together tenderly, several times, and he hugged me fervently, beginning to weep again.
“How long has it been since anyone kissed you?” I asked.
“I don’t know,” he sobbed. “My mam? Well, Grandma Nectar kisses me of course.”
“I know.” I didn’t say what was on my mind, that in spite of my family’s interventions from a very young age, this beautiful, intelligent, caring, absolutely irresistible person had been deprived of any love or even proficient care from his natural parents.
His translucent skin, his soft, dark blonde hair, his shimmering eyes… “You have no idea how beautiful you are, young man,” I murmured. “I think I fell in love with you on that bus…the way you handled that creeper. You scared me a little.”
“Oh, Lloyd, really!” Derek blusters.
I lean close to him and whisper, “You’re beautiful when you’re giving old ladies the death glare.”
“Oh, bloody hell,” he giggles.
Here is the new book trailer I made for Armour, from my YouTube:
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