Armour: An ankle’s depth into hell


There is no light opening this week. I got into a verbal altercation with some asshole acephobic in the Wal Mart (is there any other place in Arkansas) parking lot after he chased me (in his mini tanker trunk)and my friend J (a cisgender married female) while we were running errands and happily discussing lgbtq fiction). He was so far up my ass he might as well have been rimming me. When I found a parking place he was right there telling me I was driving too slow, when in fact, I was searching for a place close to the store so that I could use my handicapped plaquard. I told him that as a genderless asexual I not only refuse to eat ass but do not want my ass eaten, literally or figuratively. He stepped towards me and threatened bodily harm but I told him that if he laid one hand on me, he would be in handcuffs, and minus at least one testicle by the time I was finished with him. I screamed so loud in fact that I ruptured my vocal cords, had a nosebleed and other bleeding I’d rather not talk about here. I was so out of sorts that I wanted to leave the state for 2 measly nights, but one of my family members, who thinks they OWN me like a house slave and can’t let me go anywhere just because I’ve had 4 heart attacks, said get back home. I have now decided that when I’ve saved enough $$$ I’m leaving this fucking bible belt, and that I’m finished trying to take care of older members of family who treated me like shit when I was a child. My father’s side of the family? Shit! Every one in my family, on every side, thinks they have the right to tell me when I can go and where I can go. One of these days, I’m leaving in the middle of the night, taking the one member of the family who DOESN’T treat me like ass droppings, my CAT. I have spent 3 weeks crying, and I’m tired of it. I called the Trevor Project telling them I either wanted to leave this hellhole or kill myself. The counsillor helped me…for now.

The following snippet doesn’t even begin to touch my state of mind right now.

“But,” I try.
“No, Derek,” the doctor insists. “If he upsets you like that again, you’re liable to have a seizure and worsen your head injury, or fracture your skull. I won’t have that! I’m prescribing you a sedative to take by mouth twice a day, plus a seizure medicine. They’ll both make you sleepy. You won’t be able to drive anymore.”
“What?” I wail. “Oh no! Dr. Khaled!”
“I’m sorry, but if you’re a seizure risk, it’s against the law to drive.”
On the way home, I cry.
Because I can’t drive now.
And now, how will I be able to search for Joey?


16 thoughts on “Armour: An ankle’s depth into hell

  1. Gentle hugs if you want them. I am so, so sorry that happened to you. How absolutely horrible. If you ever make it this far north, you’re welcome in my home. My ace/aro daughter is small but mighty, and she’d give anyone hell if they even dared say a word to you.

    Heartbreaking snippet, too. I can sense his hurt.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I appreciate your supportive words. If I need a place to crash, I’ll contact you. At the ripe old age of 47, I need to stop living in denial and recognise the self destructive pattern that is preventing me from being happy. It’s okay to have friends to lean on, but it’s up to me to fix this. I’m working on it 🙂 I had to go to hospital about cough up some blood earlier today. When I returned, I saw some embarrassing typing errors. I most certainly don’t eat ass LOL. I worked as a nurse for 2 decades. I’ve seen some raggedy ass..ugh!

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Like Jamie and Tammy, and Walter and Monty before, Derek and Lloyd are pieces of me. Their pain is mine. I don’t want to die. I want to tell this story and many others. Thank you so much for your well wishes and encouragement. If there’s a bright side to this mess, I’ve been inspired with my first intersexed/epicene short story about a young person whose sibling helps them to escape an abusive parent.


  2. *nods gently* As another Bible belt resident, I both hear and understand your pain. It’s difficult on the best days. Just know you’re not alone… and someday, I hope for everyone, it will get better.

    I am not allowed to drive anymore either, so I know that feeling of isolation of having your independence ripped from you. *takes a deep breath*

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I feel for those who haven’t the means to use travel to escape domineering and/or abusive people in their lives. People who are at the mercy of evil, controlling people are in my prayers for justice. I’m not a bible beater, believe me, but I cling with white knuckles to hope that someone out there with power cares.


  3. I appreciate everyones’ support. I’ve made a decision to strike out on my own and try to live as an adult. I tried twice before but parental guilt games made me come home. Let’s hope I’ve learned a lesson in codependency. While I’m saving my money, I’m going to be attending a support group. Thank you all again. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Every character I create is me in some way. Writing Armour is one of the most difficult undertakings I’ve ever faced, but it’s cathartic too. I’m feeling so much better than I did a few days ago. Thank you for your kindness and support. We all need each other in this cold world ❤

      Liked by 1 person

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